Following a divorce you can’t help but to feel lonely, between the deep painful rejection you feel after your spouse leaves to feelings of inadequate by being a single person in a couples-orientated world. But surviving this loneliness is not only possible, it can be a time of great self discover!
“People need to learn how to embrace their own company.” – Sabrina Black
In the DivorceCare Session, Facing My Loneliness we want participants to learn the causes of the lonely feelings, the dangers of giving into those feelings and how to overcome the lonely feelings. Loneliness is not a disease and is a natural part of the divorce recovery process.
Many of the people going through the divorce process have to deal with feelings of isolation. Some of these feelings are self-imposed, you don’t want to be hurt again so you don’t let yourself feel anything. But by withdrawing from the world around us you lose so much more than just companionship – you lose yourself!
Family and friends want to help, they want you to be happy again but they do not understand what we are feeling, often they have no idea what to say or how to act around you and this can make those lonely feeling worse.
Allowing yourself to be consumed by the lonely feeling can cause significant problems in your life! Being disconnected from the people around you allow anger to build inside of you which can further divide you from personal relationships with friends and family members. This feeling of loneliness can also have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
A very dangerous reaction to loneliness is promiscuity, the desire not to feel alone can get so strong it causes us to make very poor relationship decisions that can have even more traumatic results! Rebound relationships often fail because they are based on not wanting to be alone instead of true feelings for each other.
A few strategies offered in DivroceCare for dealing with loneliness include:
Learn to be Single – Dr. Myles Munroe describes three steps to rediscovering your singleness.
- Separate – You must first understand that you are not depend on anyone else to make you who you are. You need to begin experiencing life as a single person.
- Unique – You must learn that there is no one like you. You are special just as you are, you have many great qualities to bring to the world.
- Whole – You reach a point when you realize that you do not need another person to “complete” you. You are everything in yourself.
Socialize with other people – there are many “singles” groups where you can meet people with similar interests, that enjoy doing the same actives that you do. JUST REMEMBER – you should be looking to meet people you enjoy being around – you should not be looking for a relationship!
Becoming Helpful – Being single can offer great opportunities for you to fulfill your personal life mission.There are many activities that you can participate in that can provide assistance to your fellow man. Many times your singleness can be an asset to accomplishing your humanitarian deeps – you are accountable to yourself alone as a single person.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. – Ephesians 3:19
My closing thought about loneliness; learn to be single – it’s fun and you will gain so much from it.
-Bruce, follow me on Twitter: @chew143
DivorceCare is a Biblical based support and healing program developed by Church Initiative. DivorceCare programs are conducted at Churches throughout the Country, find a local group at DivorceCare. The Levittown Christian Church conducts DivroceCare sessions every-other Tuesday evening, please contact me or the Church for more information about our DivorceCare ministry!